Do We Need an LCMS Mom?

Sometimes I think that the restructuring plan for the LCMS should have included a synodical mother. Not a cute cuddly mother to snuggle with us and cover our scrapes with Hello Kitty bandaids. I'm talking about a humorless, depression-era mother with a switch in one hand and a rolling pin in the other. A synodical mom that knows how to grab a petulant child by the ear and put things in perspective.

That way whenever anyone talked about how the LCMS needs to be cool or get with the times or complained about how unpopular confessional lutheranism is becoming to the larger culture or how what we are doing isn't fun enough she could stand up, put her hands on her hips and say:

"Oh yeah, well if the ELCA, PCUSA, SBC, and Emergent Village all jumped off a cliff, would you do that too?!? Just do what you're supposed to do and ignore what all the popular kids think. I didn't raise you to be like them. If you do that kind of trash where do you think you'll be in 20 years. As long as you are under my roof you will live by my rules. If you don't like it then go get a job and I'll pack your things. ...did you finish the yard work like I told you to do?"