Wednesday, August 27, 2008

Medical Crisis Solved!

Rising medical costs and long doctor wait times have been done away with through a new program inspired by the customer service advances found in the modern American church.

Program 1: Lay-surgeons. Are there not enough trained, licenced doctors in your area? No problem, we have tons of staff who have attended a 90 day neurosurgery course waiting to slice into your skull. After all, anyone can do brain surgery. All of that schooling and learning is pretty much unnecessary when you figure that lots of former auto mechanics and toaster repair men have pretty steady hands and seem to be really good with a scalpel.

Program 2: Small Group medical evaluations. Are you tired of waiting at the doctor's office forever? No problem. We have groups of totally untrained people who happen to have been in doctor's offices before for several years now. When you are sick, just go to your small group and let them guess what is wrong with you and tell you how they feel they should fix it. We have even given these guys medical text books so that each person can read the text book, do a crossword related to your illness, and tell you what they feel the medical board is trying to say to you. When they decide that they are in over their head, they can call the real doctor who is supervising them along with a dozen other small medical groups.

Program 3: Self diagnosis. Do you hate your doctor and all of his staff? No problem. Are you on the losing end of your doctor's triage? Does he just not have the time or inclination to treat you? Become a self-treater! Just stay at home with Web-MD and treat yourself. If things get really bad, talk to your next door neighbor about it and have him assist you if you have to remove an appendix.

You think this is quackery? You think that only trained medical professionals should be making life or death decisions for you and your children? You think that not all vocations are things that can just be done by anybody?

Question: Isn't your spiritual health much more important than your physical health?

No comments: