My Suffering as an Enthusiast Ended Through the Sign of the Prophet Jonah

I did all of that seeker stuff. I grew up in the Rick Warren movement. I was a Charismatic. I was a Southern Baptist. I spent years being mentored by former Pentecostals and seeking the ever elusive Holy Spirit Baptism. My father was a Promise Keeper. I’ve read the Purpose Driven Life. I was a praise and worship musician for the better part of a decade starting at the age of thirteen. We played 2-4 services a week and we went on tour to perform at other churches. As a young boy, I helped the liberal elements revamp our congregation with modern worship forms and enthusiast theology. When we joined the church, it had an organ and a few score in membership. When I left, we sat 300+ every Sunday, had a drum kit on the stage, and we hosted Christian punk rock band tours whenever they came to town.

I was also a songwriter. I wrote and performed my compositions before my church whenever the format permitted. The music of the enthusiast is an important window into what makes them tick. It is important to look at what they are singing and connect with them on a deep level.

Why? Because most enthusiasts are secretly hurting inside. Their hope is in the Law and they battle discouragement and disappointment daily. Imagine a life where Christ is most present in the worship that you create and that your connection to God is primarily evidenced by your feelings. Imagine serving a God who comes abundantly in some cases and trickles down in others. Imagine a Holy Spirit who only moves when we do the right things to invoke Him. Imagine a life devoid of the solid foundation that ancient Christianity was built on. Try to live a Christian life that only pays lip service to faith while seeking ever more elaborate ways to reassure itself through signs and miracles.

I submit a song that I wrote as an enthusiast. I performed this song for my congregation. It made people raise their hands, pray, and worship God. After the debut of this song, people came up to me and praised me for my insight and honesty. They thought I really had figured stuff out and that I had written a song that really spoke to the truth of living the life of a Christian. I know people who still love this song. How? It is hopeless! Looking back, my heart grieves to know that this song speaks for many of my brothers and sisters.

Fire by Night
By Mike Baker (when he was living in error as an enthusiast)

How long must I live in this harshest desert?
How long must I thirst as I wander though the heat?
I had a better time as a slave in Egypt,
I don’t know if You’ll provide for me now today.

But You, O God, know my inner questions
The answers You leave are there for me to see
The signs that You’re givin’ me
Lead me through the desert
Through Fire by Night and Cloud by Day

How high must I climb to feel you in abundance?
How far can I fall and still feel your grace?
How long can I live without your gentle healing?
Must there be less of me so I can hear your voice?

‘Cause You, O God, don’t talk the way you used to
The answers You leave are ones I do not see
The signs You are giving me are not out in the open
Like Fire by Night and Cloud by Day.

Maybe just once if you wrote a message in the stars
If I listened for a change… I would know Your heart.

But You, O God, are talking in a whisper
The answers You give are there for those who see
The signs You are giving me are there if I would listen
To the still small voice inside of me

If I listen for a change… can I know Your heart?


I weep for people who feel as I did when I wrote this song. I am horrified that people believe as I once did: that “Jesus being in my heart” means that I should rely solely on some inner voice or subjective experience to lead me in the faith.

This song leads you to false hope. When I wrote it, I was blind. I was searching for God, but I was so spiritually and theologically starved that He seemed elusive, hidden, and distant. I couldn’t know God’s heart because I was listening to the wrong things. Consequently, I felt that God the Father had largely abandoned His people… especially me.

The Enthusiast always wonders why things changed between the Bible and now. Why did God make things so easy for His people in the Old Testament and so hard for us today. Why did God speak verbally to Elijah but not to the church today? Why did God guide His people through visible miracles in the past and not in the present? Why did God speak in a loud voice before and not now? Why did God sit and eat with Abraham then, but not with the church today? They do not understand this mystery and they envy that kind of intimate relationship with God. They search for this relationship in worship and controversial signs, but never find it. They become so desperate that they start to see miracles, angels, and demons everywhere. They will believe anything that looks like a miracle. They will doubt anything that does not feel right. The world becomes bewildering and chaotic.

They are looking in the wrong place. God is not subjective and internal. He is objective and external. He does not change. He is the same yesterday, today, and forever. He does not treat you any differently than Israel. In fact, He treats you exactly the same because you are Israel. Paul tells us that Christians are children of Abraham by adoption. If you are looking for a personal relationship with God, look in the same places where the people of the Old Testament looked: In those places where God promises to be.

In the Old Testament, you see many signs and objects that contain the very presence of God. God cleansed the earth with a flood and delivered Noah in an ordinary boat. The rainbow is a sign of God’s covenant with Noah. Circumcision is a sign of God’s covenant with Abraham. God speaks to Moses in a burning bush. God turns a staff into a snake. God saves the people from death through ordinary blood on an ordinary door. God resides on the Mercy Seat in the Holy of Holies. God feeds His people with mana. God saves His people from snakes through a snake on a pole. God wins a battle through the act of Moses outstretching his arms. God saved Rahab through a red chord in her window. God shows Gideon the way through a fleece. The secret of Samuel’s strength was his hair. Naaman’s leprosy was cleansed by bathing in the river Jordan. The list goes on and on and on.

Why do we not have these things today? Why doesn’t God come to the church and shout in a loud booming voice and end all of the debates and doubt? If we are wrong, why doesn't God prove His will through an unequivocal sign?

The Pharisees were enthusiasts, too. They wondered the same thing.

Matthew 12:38-41 [ESV]: Then some of the scribes and Pharisees answered him, saying, "Teacher, we wish to see a sign from you." But he answered them, "An evil and adulterous generation seeks for a sign, but no sign will be given to it except the sign of the prophet Jonah. For just as Jonah was three days and three nights in the belly of the great fish, so will the Son of Man be three days and three nights in the heart of the earth. The men of Nineveh will stand up at the judgment with this generation and condemn it; for they repented at the preaching of Jonah, and now one greater than Jonah is here.”

Here's your sign! The sign of the prophet Jonah is your miracle, brothers and sisters. The church is guided by this one miracle. Man wants many miracles and asks for a great deal to prove God’s existence, but the salvation of mankind is given to all by just one sign: the sign of the prophet Jonah.

Christ’s death and resurrection is your objective proof of your salvation. If you doubt that God loves you, look to Christ. If you fear what will happen in the future, look to your greatest of signs: Christ. If you do not know what you are supposed to be doing or where you are supposed to go, look to the visible sign as the Israelites in the desert looked to the Fire and Cloud. Look to Christ’s death and resurrection. Gather strength through faith in this awesome miracle; this perfect and complete work.

So perfect is Christ's death and resurrection that all other signs point to, prefigure, and emulate this one. God providing the lamb instead of Abraham's son points to Christ. God saving His people through blood to ward off death points to Christ. God preserving His people through the Passover meal points to Christ. God curing people with a snake lifted up on a pole points to Christ. God laying Jonah in the depths for three days and then raising Him out of the depths points to Christ.

It is all about Christ. There is your proof! That’s it. That’s all you need. There is no other sign because no further symbol of God’s providence or love could add anything to Christ’s saving work. To know Christ is to know the Father. You know that God is just because of Christ. You know that God is holy because of Christ. You know that God is merciful because of Christ. You know that God loves you because of Christ. You know that God will eternally save you because of Christ.

Christ said about himself, "I am the way, and the truth, and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me. If you had known me, you would have known my Father also. From now on you do know him and have seen him."

At that point, Philip had an enthusiast moment and said, "Lord, show us the Father, and it is enough for us." How many songs are written by Christians today that ask Philip's question over and over again? We cry out, "Show us the Father! Show us His glory!" We sing, "Rain down Your presence on us! Fill this place with Your glory!" We ask, "Show us Your face O God! Reveal Yourself to us in this place!"

How did Christ reply to Philip? He said, "Whoever has seen me has seen the Father. How can you say, 'Show us the Father'? Do you not believe that I am in the Father and the Father is in me? The words that I say to you I do not speak on my own authority, but the Father who dwells in me does his works."

How can we ask for the Father as if we do not already see Him in the Son? There is not a mote of heavenly glory that was kept from Christ. The Father did not withhold an ounce of mercy, power, glory, might, honor, magesity, grace, wisdom, knowledge, omnicience, or love, but He gave it to His Beloved Son, Jesus Christ. You want to see the Father? Don't look in your worship. Don't look in your heart. Don't seek after it as though it was some elusive treasure. Look to the free gift of Christ.

Christ did all the work and He is all of proof of God's love that you will ever need. Remember? “IT IS FINISHED!” The sign of the prophet Jonah.

Why look anywhere else for hope or guidance? Why turn to someone as unreliable as yourself for proof of God's favor when Christ is the end of all doubt and rejection? Why flock to places that promise nothing more than miracles, emotional experiences, and wonderous signs? Why settle for something so cheap and temporary?

Christ is the door through which you obtain the holy relationship that Adam lost in the garden. Christ’s blood washes you clean and establishes that intimate relationship with the Father. If you want an intimate relationship that never waivers, look to Christ. You want real hope and security? Place your faith in Christ.

Does that mean that God is done serving His people through means? Of course not. God is working today as He was working before: He hides in ordinary, tangible things. He adopts you into His eternal family through ordinary water by the power of Baptism. He strengthens you in the faith through ordinary wine and ordinary bread in Christ’s Most Holy Supper. He forgives you through words of absolution that are spoken by ordinary men. He guides you through an ordinary book: Holy Scripture. What gives these mundane things such power and significance? The same thing that gave power and significance to the burning bush and the Holy of Holies: the real presence of God.

These means of grace deliver what was promised by the sign of the prophet Jonah. John tells us in his gospel that the "Word became flesh and dwelt among us." Later in that same book Christ says, "For my flesh is real food and my blood is real drink." All of this is Christ presented before your eyes, spoken into your ears, and placed upon your lips.

Read what God has said. He does not lie and He does not construct elaborate tricks to confuse you or leave you in doubt.

Matthew 26:26-29 [ESV]: Now as they were eating, Jesus took bread, and after blessing it broke it and gave it to the disciples, and said, "Take, eat; this is my body." And he took a cup, and when he had given thanks he gave it to them, saying, "Drink of it, all of you, for this is my blood of the covenant, which is poured out for many for the forgiveness of sins. I tell you I will not drink again of this fruit of the vine until that day when I drink it new with you in my Father’s kingdom."

1 Corinthians 10:15-17 [ESV]: I [Paul] speak as to sensible people; judge for yourselves what I say. The cup of blessing that we bless, is it not a participation in the blood of Christ? The bread that we break, is it not a participation in the body of Christ? Because there is one bread, we who are many are one body, for we all partake of the one bread.

1 Peter 3:18-22 [ESV]: For Christ also suffered once for sins, the righteous for the unrighteous, that he might bring us to God, being put to death in the flesh but made alive in the spirit, in which he went and proclaimed to the spirits in prison, because they formerly did not obey, when God’s patience waited in the days of Noah, while the ark was being prepared, in which a few, that is, eight persons, were brought safely through water. Baptism, which corresponds to this, now saves you, not as a removal of dirt from the body but as an appeal to God for a good conscience, through the resurrection of Jesus Christ, who has gone into heaven and is at the right hand of God, with angels, authorities, and powers having been subjected to him.”

John 20:21-23 [ESV]: Jesus said to them again, "Peace be with you. As the Father has sent me, even so I am sending you." And when he had said this, he breathed on them and said to them, "Receive the Holy Spirit. If you forgive the sins of any, they are forgiven them; if you withhold forgiveness from any, it is withheld."

God uses tangible means to accomplish extraordinary miracles. Those means exist today and they are there for you to touch and hold. They are not there as some additional ceremonial rite or mnemonic device. God does not institute these things as observances that depend on you to reflect upon their symbolism and thus grow closer to Him by way of your mental capacity and personal wisdom. Why would God make coming to Him so difficult?

There is no abandonment. You ask for proof and God gives you Christ. Not only that, Christ is given to you in such a way that you can actually point to tangable objects and say, "Christ is right there. I don't know how it works, but I know that this miracle allows me to participate in Christ's death and resurrection. I don't need to doubt or fear because God keeps His promises regardless of what emotional state I am in."

These things exist to bless you and preserve you in the faith. Learn to embrace them as such. You already know that you cannot always count on that small voice inside of you. Sometimes it is wrong. Sometimes it leads you into sin. Sometimes it only tells you what you want to hear. You know that many times that voice is surely not coming from God. You know that sometimes you feel like your prayers don't go anywhere. You know that you need something solid to ease your doubts and comfort you.

Dead, old religion’s answer to this suffering is empty and false. Dead, old religion makes you do all the work and come up with the answers on your own. Dead, old religion tells you to pray, fast, and do this list of works until your heart tells you that you are going the right way. Dead, old religion tells you to suffer through the tough times alone. Dead, old religion makes you look to human teachers or within yourself for guidance. Dead, old religion hides behind alot of show, glitter, and flash. Dead, old religion distracts you and points your attention to itself instead of Jesus.

Living, real faith – that intimate relationship that you are seeking – is deeper and much more mystical than that. There is a real church that still has miracles and still follows God through the ways that He has established by Christ's specific, spoken promises. There is a real church that has no need for the petty miracles and signs that the Pharisees wanted. There is a real church that does not wickedly ask God to reveal His glory and power for the sake of a wondrous experience.

There is a real church that gathers together and does nothing but participate in the sign of the prophet Jonah: Christ’s death and resurrection. There is a real church who heeds God's Word and repents daily. There is a real church that is constantly transformed, refreshed, and vivified through repentance and faith in Christ Jesus.

It’s not about you. It's not about what you tell yourself is true. The proof is not found in what you do or don't experience when you feel God’s presence or when you don’t feel the presence. Even Pagans and Atheists are confirmed in their false beliefs through that fickle method. You don’t think that practitioners of other religions feel their god’s presence? You don’t think that their worship confirms their beliefs? What makes you different from them? How can you be sure that you are thinking, feeling, and believing correctly? The cold truth is that you can't know God by your feelings any more than you can know a person through how you feel about them. It is time to stop guessing about God. Start knowing God.

It is all about Christ. That is the difference. It is not about what you do or why. It is about what has been done for you. The firm foundation of Christ is objective and incarnate. Christ's death and resurrection is an objective fact that you can cling to. You know God loves you because of Christ.

Converts - Part 4 "When did I become Lutheran?"

This is a loaded question that is full of intellectual meat.

While some bean counter will tell me that I became a Lutheran when I joined the LCMS, I tend to disagree. You see, I am a rarity among converts. I did not even really know anything about Lutheranism until long after I left charismatic anabaptism. Why did I leave charismatic anabaptism? I started to read the Bible. When I read the Bible with discernment, I found Scripture that explicitly contradicted many of their teachings. I left because they were teaching false doctrine and I could no longer stomach it.

A few years later, I worked past my dissillusion and decided to find a church that did not teach false doctrine. A few years of sulking was not a transition from one church to another. It was a conscious decision born out of years of objective research that measured many Christian and several pseudo-Christian faiths against Holy Scripture and church tradition on a level playing field. I resolved to find the truth and join the faith that best agreed with truth.

At the conclusion of this journey, I selected Lutheranism. I then searched for Lutheran churches and Lutheran church bodies to find the one that was the most faithful to what I had been reading and what I had come to believe.

My confession. When I set foot in my current congregation, I had to take several trips back to my car to bring in my stacks of theological books and research notes. I held up my copy of the Book of Concord and told the pastor, "This is what I believe. Do you teach and follow this book?"

So I ask, "When did I become Lutheran?"

If I became Lutheran when I confessed Lutheran doctrine then Lutheranism is objective truth that can be believed and understood--not just corporately--but individually as well. If Lutheranism is true and objective, then it needs no followers to be the correct confession. That is why I selected it. I knew nothing of controversies, synods, and church politics the day that I joyously declared, "I am Lutheran!" for the first time. I did not know how many problems there may be in actual practicing Lutheranism... but I knew truth when I saw it. At that point, I could not be anything that disagreed with the truth. I should have realized that the ideal of Lutheranism is always practiced by people who are very much sinful human beings. No perfection on this planet, no perfection in any Lutheran church either. I get that now.

For me, the truths that are expressed in Lutheranism are objective and imperative. As much as my heart grieves for you, the fact that you attend a whacked-out congregation that is only pretending to be Lutheran has no bearing on the validity of my confession. I confessed Lutheranism long before I joined a corporate body. I confessed it the day that I discovered that I could no longer commune with my family. I confess each day that I learn about a new horrible problem (both real and perceived) within the church body that I am in.

I confess the Book of Concord. My copy of the Book of Concord has my signature inked just below the list of original signatories. That is a very personal and intimate thing for me. I do not confess Lutheranism because I am Lutheran. I am Lutheran because I confess Lutheran teaching. I am Lutheran because I agree with the teachings contained in this book and that is what people call people who agree with this book.

If extremists on either side of my Lutheran denomination tear it apart, and cause it to schism, I will still confess the teachings of the Book of Concord. If a day comes when my Lutheran church requires me to go against the confessions, I will rebuke her and confess Lutheranism. If I should be stranded on a desolate island for the rest of my life, I will still confess Lutheran doctrine and practice. Real Presence is objectively true. Justification by faith alone is objectively true. As far as the validity of truth is concerned, what the rest of you guys do or think is irrelevant.

If a group calling themselves the "Purple Zamboni Church of Lower New Brunswick" takes up the Book of Concord and begins to follow it confessionally as the founders did, then I will encourage the LCMS to follow their example. If my Lutheran church does not listen, I will leave and join the PZCLNB... and start to lobby for the Zamboni-ists to pick a better name.

Do I confess Lutheranism because I was born Lutheran? No.

...because I like everything I see happening in Lutheran church bodies? No. I don't.

...because Lutheranism is the rebound faith that I fled to? No rebound here.

...because my pastor is a good guy? No. (he is, but that is beside the point)

...because I like Lutheran music and liturgy? I hated it at first.

...because I like Germany and Scandinavia? Never been to either locale.

...because I was witnessed to by Lutherans? No, modern Lutherans are horrible at this.

...because I think that Lutherans are better Christians than other Christians? They're not.

...because Lutherans have all the answers? No. Lutheranism thrives on paradox. Lutheranism can only tell you what it has been told by Scripture. Lutherans have the fewest answers of any Christian confession. They don't know squat because they don't make stuff up when things do not make sense.

I confess this confession because no one has been able to show me where it is objectively false. I confess it because I firmly believe that it is the true explanation of God's Word and stands apart as superior against all other human opinions. I confess it because of the human speculation and opinion that it lacks. I confess it because it is the clearest path to my Crucified and Now Risen Savior, Jesus Christ.

Nothing will come between me and this true expression of Christianity... including Lutherans.

Converts - Part 3: "The Church Without Wheels"

Those who leave Lutheranism often level variations of the same charge:

The church of the Book of Concord does not/no longer exist(s). The Lutheran Church, as expressed in its confessional documents does not exist.

I submit that this observation by our critics is proof of the correctness of our confession. Since it is impossible for us as sinful individuals to measure up to the requirements of God's Word for even a few minutes it only makes sense that it is impossible for large collections of sinful individuals to measure up to the only modern church that purely expresses God's Will in her confessions without error.

While other confessions have resorted to creating human doctrines, practices, and methods to make church more rational and easy, Lutherans have embraced the narrow gate of truth which renders a perfectly orthodox church in all places at all times virtually impossible this side of heaven. All other churches adapt to the whims of human invention. As men err, their churches adapt and err with them. Confessional Lutheranism, grounded on the cornerstone of Jesus Christ, will not follow sinful men as they stray. Thus people abandon her and cease to embody the confession.

Take the Roman church as an example. As her people fall into various forms of error, she makes her doctrine conform to those errors. As new false doctrines are introduced over the years, she adopts them and makes them appear legitimate. She then forces her faithful to conform to her imperfect version of the truth. Men have put wheels on that church. Rome is driven by her human occupants. Romans who want to leave the point where pure truth exists simply have to take their church with them. Even when everyone adopts human error, the church, as she is identified by her ever-evolving confession, remains occupied and true to her faith (though inconsistent to her previous traditions and documents). To the casual observer, the Roman church practices what she preaches. This is because she preaches only what she practices for the season that she practices it. In those places where she has not abandoned the truth for error, she finds herself in agreement with her Lutheran opponents.

Bound by Law and Gospel, the catholic, orthodox, and evangelical church does not do this. As her people fall into various forms of error, she remains steadfast in doctrine. She does not compromise with reason, bad exegesis, and novelty. She does not have wheels. Confessional Lutherans who want to leave the point where pure truth exists must leave their immovable church and go to one with wheels. If every Lutheran was to adopt error, the church, as she is identified by her confession, would be abandoned and cease to exist. To the casual observer, the Lutheran church can never perfectly practice what it preaches. This is because, as long as she is still truly Lutheran, she preaches what God has revealed... which no man but Our Lord Jesus Christ can faithfully accomplish, fully comprehend, or steadfastly keep. Since all Christians are hypocrites and failures it makes sense that when Christians gather around pure doctrine and try to practice it, they find themselves speaking hypocritically and failing to realize God's ideal.

This is why this one criticism, of all of the criticisms that Christians level against each other, is uniquely reserved for those who profess what has come to be known as Confessional Lutheranism.

If we confessed the human standard that there is nothing special about the Lord's Supper or Baptism as many protestants do, most of our battles over Sacramental practice would not be an issue. We would be unified like many protestants, but at what cost? Since we confess God's Standard which He revealed in Holy Scripture, we find that sinful man continues to contest and rebel against it.

If we confessed the human standard that men are justified by works as everyone else does in one form or another, most of our battles over preaching and evangelism would not be an issue. We would be unified like many other churches, but at what cost? Since we confess God's Standard regarding salvation, which He told us was foolishness to men, we find that sinful man continues to contest and rebel against it.

And so, God's church, the purified bride of Jesus Christ, exists in those places where the Gospel is preached in its purity and the Sacraments are properly administered. These are the marks of the church. Since they are from God--not men--we humans find them difficult to achieve and even harder to preserve among us. It is easier for us to create our own definition of the church. It is easier to create a standard that we can meet or erect an earthly kingdom in which to house The Church. We strive to make it understandable and tactile. Those things may make people feel better, but they are merely human distinctions that are neither true nor helpful.

We who still remain are the Ecclesia Militans. It is going to be a struggle as long as we are here where sin and error remains. This struggle is that of truth against error. It only makes sense that the struggle will be the most extreme here where the most truth is found.

Thanks be to God that Christ saves us by faith and not by our feeble works. Thanks be to God that Christ preserves the church in spite of us.

Converts - Part 2: "Not All Converts are Equal"

Johnny and Billy both sat in their desks staring at their answers for the pop quiz. By coincidence, the two boys had become greatly concerned over their answers for the final question.

Johnny, filled with doubt about his answer, read the question again:

On what date was the United States Constitution adopted by a convention of the states?

Johnny had written "July 4, 1776" as his answer, but he was starting to have doubts. That answer had seemed too easy. Suddenly, Johnny remembered that Independence Day had more to do with the Declaration of Independence and that the Constitution was ratified much later...

Billy was equally concerned about his answer. He had written "September 17, 1787" as his answer, but he was starting to have doubts. That date had popped into his head because they had talked about it in class, but he could not remember what that date corresponded to. Suddenly, Billy remember that "July 4, 1776" was the celebration of the nation's Independence from England. Was that it? Billy pondered for a moment and realized that he had been wrong...

Both boys confidently erased their answers and wrote in new ones.

Johnny erased July 4, 1776 and wrote September 17, 1787.
Billy erased September 17, 1787 and wrote July 4, 1776.

Both boys turned in their tests with confidence that they had narrowly averted disaster on that last question. Johnny was right to convert his answer. He had been mistaken. Unfortunately, Billy was wrong to convert his answer because his first answer had been right all along.

Both boys followed their conscience and changed their minds with the best of intentions to get the answer right. I suppose you could commend both boys for following their gut and going with what they believed to be true.

But like so many things in life, there was one objective answer: September 17,1787. Johnny went from wrong to right while Billy went from right to wrong.

When handing back the quiz, the teacher turned to Billy and said, "Good job, Billy. I see that you had the right answer, but I am proud of you for having the integrity to change your answer when you no longer thought you were right. I wish that you had kept the right answer, but at least you weren't hypocritical by turning in an answer that you thought was wrong."

Please! What kind of teacher is that?!? How does that help Billy at all?

Let us never forget that there is objective truth. People who go from the right answer to the wrong answer have made a mistake. They do not need to be commended on their methods or their desire to get the right answer. All of that effort caused them to err. They need to be told what the right answer is so that they are not confirmed in their mistake.

Converts to Lutheranism (the right answer) are to be commended. Converts from Lutheranism (the wrong answer) need to be shown their error in judgement... not complimented on their "integrity".

Converts - Part 1: "The Christian Mid-Life Crisis"

Observations From a Fellow Convert

Over the last several years, I have noticed a common trend among many converts to various sects within Christianity that confuses and irritates me. I am not speaking about the casual church attendee who bounces from denomination to denomination based on the "feels" of a given congregation. I am talking about people who eat and sleep a certain belief system for years and then change that foundation in the worst possible way for everyone around them.

I will go ahead and warn everyone that I have a very critical view of any church leader who spontaneously converts from one church body to another... especially when it is done in a Pharisaically public manner.

What makes die-hard loyalists (pastors, elders, and theologically-sound laymen) stray? At the risk of oversimplification, I have observed that the launching point that starts many converts down the road to leave a particular confession is often built on a line of thinking that is based on a critical logical fallacy. For this part of the discussion, I am not even going to talk about the "right" and "wrong" confession to believe in. Right now, we are simply talking about the "right" and "wrong" way to go about looking at your confession versus the others that you may be interested in. If you read conversion stories from this category of theology junkies, they tend to follow this reasoning:

The Mid-Life Crisis Method:

Step 1. I am a [X]ist.
Step 2. I do not disagree with [X]ian doctrine, but my fellow [X]ists are not [X]ian enough.
Step 3. [X]ists do not meet my expectations and standards of [X]ism.
Step 4. That imperfect condition of [X]ism here in the church militant makes me unhappy.
Step 5. Therefore, I am going to go looking at a faith that is even more not [X] for answers and judge this new (i.e. fresh/exciting) faith against the one that I am already dissatisfied with. At that point I will choose between the faith that I already don’t like and the one that I think might be better.
Step 6. Now I suddenly realize that this new faith is what I had always wanted to be as an [X]ian. After fair analysis, I have suddenly realized that this new faith is what I always should have been, but was too ignorant/cynical/partisan to notice. This new faith is what I was really looking for when I became a [X]ian in the first place.

This is the impression that I get from many of these stories. I think that this is why converts are often treated the same way that we treat middle-aged husbands who "trade up" from their old wife to a new fling from work. At least in my mind, the comparison fits in the majority of cases. By the time a convert starts to seriously look at a new belief system, the decision to leave the old belief system has been made. They may not even realize it yet, but they have spiritually left the church, but physically remain there as they struggle to come to grips with their dissatisfaction.

This condition makes the comparison process unfair and disingenuous. Once you reach Step 4, it is virtually impossible for the old system to compete with any new system that you consider. You may even fool yourself into thinking that you are providing a fair and balanced comparison, but such a thing is impossible. The process of comparing confessions this way is a sham that only serves to assuage the convert’s guilt over what he perceives as possible disloyalty to his old beliefs. To feel better, he offers his old faith (which he has already begun to reject) a chance to redeem itself in the kangaroo court of his own mind. It is no surprise that the old belief so often fails every test that it is given while the new faith passes with flying colors.

To support this observation, I would like to point out that many of the public stories about conversion have very little to do with objective concerns over doctrine. You do not find perceived error as the launching point of the quest for truth outside of the original faith. It always starts with complaints that sound so much like the "marital problems" that "force" men to look elsewhere. I also submit that the majority of these converts are middle-aged men who demographically fall into the category of individuals most prone to this kind of narcissistic second-guessing in other areas of their lives. It is no wonder then that religious converts often choose the first "rebound" belief system that presents itself and it always starts with innocent flirting. Most of the time, the rebound belief system of choice possesses the very thing that they have always felt their old system lacked. This new system that they gravitate towards has a better pedigree, is flashier, is more missional, is more modern, or seems more enthusiastic. It is only when that missing need is met that converts bother to reconcile doctrine.

I think that this is why converts are willing to gloss over the new faith’s short comings. Once you have decided that you might want to leave the belief system that you have been so invested in, you are tempted to look for somewhere—anywhere to make yourself feel better. At this point you do not make clear decisions. Just about anything looks good when you have such a low view of where you are at. You start to make decisions based on what you think is right for you under the guise of following your conscience.

From Being in a Bad Situation to Creating a Worse Solution

The truth is that you have gotten so good at lying to yourself about your motives that you can no longer trust your impulses. This is the dangerous time when the Devil appears as an angel of light and helps you to select the "best course of action" for your unfortunate circumstance. The Devil does not want a public pillar of your church to just fade away or to resign correctly and respectfully. The enemy is constantly seeking to damage the church further by heaping mountains of human baggage between individual Christians and their Savior. He is looking for one thing when it comes to wounded church leaders: scandalous collateral damage.

This is where the misguided seeker becomes an instrument of division and schism that the Devil uses to wreak havoc on both sides of the conversion. It is not enough to publicly admit to a crisis in faith and commit to a penitent period of prayer and fasting while you beseech the Holy Spirit for divine guidance. It is not enough to admit that you are no longer fit to be a teacher because you have critical questions that need answers. It is not enough to withdraw from public view so that you are free to perform several months—maybe years—of study and evaluation. It is not enough to try to address these problems maturely and promptly for the good of the church. No, you have to continue to keep these concerns secret so that it festers until it is too much to bear. You have to let the whispers in your head go unchallenged by pretending that you can make wise decisions without help from your peers and superiors in the church body.

All of a sudden, after years of pretending that you can handle this and lying to your brothers and sisters by making it seem that everything is okay (even though you are nursing private doubt and concern), something happens. You feel "led" to make a knee-jerk decision that instantly changes your public confession while you are still locked in the leadership position that you abandoned long ago. The same impulse that made you feel "led" to keep your concerns relatively secret now prompts you to feel "led" to spectacularly convert one day. You swing from super-private doubter all the way to poster-boy convert in one loud swoop. Who—or what—is doing the "leading" here?

In spite of all of the self-delusion going on, you manage to correctly diagnose that your old faith has serious problems. You correctly diagnose that all of the controversies and bickering obscure the Gospel. Your solution? Leave that already damaged sect in such a way as to create even more controversy and bickering among the poor Christians that you have elected to abandon while simultaneously creating a cloud of controversy that follows you to the new faith that you have decided to join. How is that faithful to the body of Christ?

Is that really your conscience or is that the voice of someone trying to use your situation as weapon against the church? The voice suggests that you should prove to yourself and others that you are in control and are capable of fixing what you now perceive to be decades of misjudgment. Most of all, it demands that you remain true to yourself…

…not true to your oaths
…not true to the Gospel
…not true to Christ
…not true to Holy Scripture
…not true to apostolic tradition
…not true to your troubled church body, your besieged congregation, and the obligations of your divine call to brothers and sisters that you know will be shaken to their foundations by the way you are going about your personal crisis.

…but be true to YOURself and what YOU now believe to be right for YOU and YOUR conscience.

All of a sudden, you dust off that word "integrity" which you have been ignoring during this whole irrational process and decide that it is best if you just come clean to everyone about your total reversal in belief systems regardless of who it hurts. You put your precious spiritual integrity ahead of the souls of weaker Christians that might be permanently driven from the saving shelter of the Christian Faith by your stumbling block. To go back to our mid-life crisis metaphor: It is not enough that you are compelled to divorce your wife, you have to combine that with leaving her for the hot tart that you only noticed when you started having problems at home. You don't even bother having the decency to put a reasonable period of time between you moving out and your new honey moving in. How did you think it was going to come across?

...But at least you’re being true to yourself and are no longer living a lie.