So, imagine that you are in a place that is seperated from your synod for months and months. Imagine that you may have to face the fact that you will be lucky if you are able to receive the Lord's Supper a half dozen times this year... and that it is a long way off from now.
Imagine that you are in a place where the mormon church is classified as a "protestant service" and the wiccans seem to have more religious support than you do.
Now... in that regretable situation, you finally locate a Lutheran chaplain nearby. Sure, he's not in your synod so the Lord's Supper is out, but at least there is a minister that shares your confession of faith. What good news! Imagine the hope that you have when you find out he conducts a weekly church service and that your schedule will enable you to attend.
And then the chaplain tells you, "It is not technically a Lutheran service but it will look very familiar to Lutherans."
Saturday, January 31, 2009
So, imagine that you are in a place that is seperated from your synod for months and months. Imagine that you may have to face the fact that you will be lucky if you are able to receive the Lord's Supper a half dozen times this year... and that it is a long way off from now.
Friday, January 30, 2009
Wednesday, January 28, 2009
First of all, I hate the term "Podcasts" because real mp3 users don't own an "ipod". I own a sansa and all of the ipod users that I know are jealous when they see what this baby can do at a much lower sticker price (like record live FM radio and then drag and drop the files onto my computer desktop for example.)
More importantly, I would like to express my irritation about how alot of people post their sansacast (or zunecast if you're a microsoft slave) archives. It falls into two major categories:
1. If you are publishing broadcasts "on demand" then I, as your listener, demand that you provide me with a simple link (preferably on the same page as the archive list) to download your program as an mp3 file. Do not link me to a place where I can stream your broadcast. Do not link me to a place where I have to buy your broadcast. Do not link me to some other site that will only give me your broadcast if I fork over my personal information. Certainly do not refer me to *spit* iTunes.
I have now established a new policy: If you do not provide a simple, downloadable file that I can right click and save to my desktop for use with my media player than what you say must not be worth listening to. If you want to talk to me, come to the city square and be accessable to everyone. Do not make me climb the mountain to hear you.
2. If you are publishing broadcasts (take a moment to refer back to comment #1), please title your broadcasts topically in some fashion. I understand that you guys like to title your broadcasts by date for archive purposes, but you could go in and put in some descriptive text in any number of the file discriptions available in the mp3 format. You could tag the genre, artist, or album with words like "Epiphany 2 Sermon", "Baptism with Rev. Smith", "Election '08 Roundtable" etc. If you won't do this, then at least leave it unlocked so that I can do it manually after I download it. I have piles of piles of archived files that I have to actually listen to in order to find the one that I'm looking for. It makes sharing a particular program months later very hard to do.
I hope that you will take my comments to heart if you are trying to reach people with your ideas (theological or otherwise). Above all, keep the needs of your listeners in mind and focus on substance rather than style.
I beseech You, Merciful God, to come quickly and defend Your church. We have become like Israel of old as we dance around idols of our own making.
Though they lack tangible form, our new gods are nevertheless the work of human hands. We call them beautiful and ascribe power to them that does not exist. We rob You of Your due honor and grant great deeds to our idols that they have not achieved. We bow and celebrate beneath them every day. We love and serve them more than we love and serve You. We look to them for comfort. We hope in them for the promise of a bright future rather than looking to Our Lord Jesus Christ alone. In our extreme foolishness, we have abandoned Your law and are no longer frightened by it.
Reprove us in our wicked iniquity, O Lord, and send us men who are enlightened by your Holy Spirit. Stamp out this virulent evil that infects us. Call forth men and place Your Word in their hands so that they may come down from the holy mountain and declare Your righteous judgments to a rebellious people. Grant them the authority to utterly demolish our false worship. Lift them up and instruct them to melt down our idols and so that we may eat the ashes of our sinful handiwork. Without Your loving hand, we will continue to flounder in error and futility. Without the declaration of Your Word among us, we will continue to commit adultery against You as we search for other gods and other christs to please our selfish lusts. We cannot save ourselves from this situation. We need your grace.
How long must the modern church be caged in this prison of false doctrine that we have made for ourselves? How long will we be allowed to look on the true doctrine that was given to us by Your chosen apostles with irreverence and contempt? How long will You, in Your perfect and providential will, permit us to wallow in our idolatry? Almighty and Everlasting God, do not hand us over to the darkness of our own desires as You did during the darkest days of the middle ages. Bring us to repentance so that we may avoid being handed over to captivity and desolation. Replace our growing Scriptural ignorance with a love for nothing short of pure knowledge and perfect truth.
When You consider the disposition of Your church, do not look upon the hated false teachers with Your justifiable wrath, but look upon the weak and poor victims of these heresies through Your boundless mercy. Do not allow us to be crushed under the weight of our sin, but bring us out from under these lies on account of Your abundant grace. Give our mouths voice so that we might cry out to You for deliverance. Return us to Your word and holy sacraments.
Use the balancing of worldly financial matters to create in us a true poverty of spirit. Teach us to look to You alone for deliverance and every blessing. Cause us to see the futility of this dying world and give us the ability to forsake its seduction. Make this upcoming season of lent a true call to repentance and faith for all Christians. So often we must suffer and be brought low so that we can see our place as Your redeemed and reconciled enemy. Bring us back under Your just and perfect rule as Your servile creation. Overturn the tables and cast our money-changers out Your temple. Beat back the influence peddlers, vanquish the legalists, chastise the empowerment seekers, and cause the false prophets to be mute in Your temple.
Look upon us with favor, O God, and spare us from this wicked generation. Pour out your Spirit and stop this tide of maddening self-love. Bless all of Your undeserving servants with wisdom, humility, and discernment so that we may have the strength and knowledge to do Your will. Grant Your servants ears to hear Your Word so that it might vivify and renew us now and forever.
Above all, O Lord, hear the groaning of Your militant church. Come quickly and complete our deliverance through Your Son’s long-awaited second coming.
I humbly ask for all these things on behalf of my brothers and sisters in the true faith through the name of My Savior and Lord Jesus Christ who with You and the Holy Spirit shall reign forever and ever. Amen.
Monday, January 26, 2009
What does a lone Lutheran Soldier (who has no Lutheran chaplain in his new home!) do when...
...the local Roman Catholics overhear him singing the liturgy of the hours in the garrison chapel
...and become convinced that he is just too catholic to not be a Roman Catholic
...and that he is too well read on the writings of the church fathers to not bow down and worship them and plead for their intersession
...and that his belief that Christ is bodily present in the Holy Supper is a step in the right direction to becoming a student of their most holy St. Aristotle
...and they are so busy looking at the similarity of his "pious" outward works that they do not consider the immense chasm of difference that he has with them on matters of faith
...and they mistake his polite courtesy and honesty for theological openess and idealogical weakness
...and so they begin to talk to him as if he is being pushed by the Holy Spirit to complete his "journey home" to be a favored son of the Roman Pontiff?
So again I ask: What does the poor evangelical, heretic catechumen do in such a situation?
...he runs to a phone, calls back to the States, and orders the eight volume set of Chemnitz's Works and has CPH mail it directly to his address in the combat zone.
When you're outnumbered, call in the heavy artillery for some close fire support. Nothing like a little Chemnitz to keep the papal errors at bay.
Please pray for me in this situation. I require patience, discernment, and tact. These are three things that I do not feel I am very proficient in. Pray that I will ardantly defend the truth that has been revealed to me by the Holy Spirit in God's Word. Pray that Almighty God will help me in spite of my spiritual loneliness, my inability to access the Sacraments, my constant exposure to unionism (The Latter Day Saints are classified as a "Protestant" service here), and the strain of having to constantly explain the basics of Lutheran doctrine to all kinds of other Christians.
Oh ...and if you work for CPH's shipping department, please put my box on the next truck out. It's the one with the APO address. Thanks!
I now quote the Encylopedia Britannica Online:
Hesychasm (Eastern Orthodoxy)
In Eastern Christianity, type of moanstic life in which practitioners seek divine quietness (Greek hēsychia) through the contemplation of God in uninterrupted prayer. Such prayer, involving the entire human being—soul, mind, and body—is often called “pure,” or “intellectual,” prayer or the Jesus prayer. St. John Climacus, one of the greatest writers of the Hesychast tradition, wrote, “Let the remembrance of Jesus be present with each breath, and then you will know the value of the hēsychia.” In the late 13th century, St. Nicephorus the Hesychast produced an even more precise “method of prayer,” advising novices to fix their eyes during prayer on the “middle of the body,” in order to achieve a more total attention, and to “attach the prayer to their breathing.” This practice was violently attacked in the first half of the 14th century by Barlaam the Calabrian, who called the Hesychasts omphalopsychoi, or people having their souls in their navels.
It seems clear to me that this practice is not about Christ, but about us and what we do to connect to God.
Again... Crux sola est nostra theologia (The Cross alone is our theology).
Sunday, January 25, 2009
The 24th and 25th of the month is always hard on me.
This is the time when the Monthly Psalter in the LLPB's "Brotherhood Prayer Book" reaches Psalm 119.
I find Psalm 119 almost impossible to sing out loud. The author makes statements that challenge me to my foundation. "I love Your law?", "I will keep Your statutes?", and "I will keep Your statutes continually?" If only those words were true!
"I made haste, and delayed not to keep Thy commandments." I am crushed by this. Has there been a day when I have lived up to this statement? Of course not!
About the only verse that I can manage to sing without feeling like a liar is verse 120, "My flesh trembleth in fear of Thee, and I am afraid of Thy judgements."
It is a very difficult song. I am almost greateful that it is spread out over four sessions. How can the conscience take this chapter all at once? As I chant, I must constantly remind myself that I am justified by Christ's perfect righteousness and that these things were fullfilled through Him and given to me by grace alone. Praise be to God that Psalm 119 is not my work to do, but the work of Christ.
I look forward to the Last Day when my flesh will be glorified and perfected by Christ. I look forward to eternity when I can finally pray the bold statements in this psalm honestly.
Any help and wisdom that you can offer regarding Psalm 119 would be greatly appreciated!
Saturday, January 24, 2009
I have finally decided that many people use the word "Tradition" as a code word. What they really mean is "Authority"... because that is how they are using it when you take it in the context of the conversation.
Traditions in themselves do not dictate anything. They simply exist. True traditions are a matter of fact and historical reference. If one chooses to observe a tradition or not has nothing to do with the actual tradition. A tradition, in and of itself does not force itself on anyone. How could it?
But that is not how "Tradition" is used when talking about the church. Many times church "Traditions" carry a great deal of force behind them as if observing them was mandated by the Tradition itself. They have confused "Tradition" and "Authority".
You find this a great deal in the "Tradition versus Scripture" debate. What is primary? In this discussion, the word "Tradition" does not mean "tradition" in the traditional sense. What they are really saying is "Authority". They are talking about the authority of the church to enforce its traditions just because they are traditions. Just as the Roman Catholics have added love to faith, they have added authority to tradition. Tradition is not a matter of fact. It is a matter of enforcement... no matter how new or contradictory the tradition may be.
The truth is that their "Tradition" is a cleverly phrased term that permits them to enforce progressive ideas that actually conflict with real tradition.
REAL tradition... ancient apostolic tradition allows pastors to be the "husband of one wife", but false tradition (i.e. modern church authority) upsets that and forces them to be celebate. If you hold to the older tradition, you are a radical. If you hold to the new change, you are observing "church tradition" and are most holy and pious. What gives?
REAL tradition... ancient apostolic tradition has bishops on an equal field with each other, but false tradition (i.e. modern church authority) upsets that and forces the Pope above all. If you hold to the older tradition, you are a traitor to Christ's vicar on earth. If you hold to the new change, you are a true servant of St. Peter. What gives?
REAL tradition... ancient apostolic tradition sets up Scripture as the authority for ALL teaching, but false tradition (i.e. modern church authority) upsets that and requires that we listen to the whims of the church through all ages without holding them to the standard of the apostolic record. If you stand with St. Paul against "even an angel in heaven", you are a damned heretic. If you hold to the new change, you are preserving the true faith and church tradition. What gives?
You see this in the debates of the Reformation. The Lutheran Reformers appealed to much older sources for their arguements while their opponents pointed to much newer ideas as matters of "tradition" and asserted that they were more valid than the older traditions that they had replaced, corrupted, and removed.
Is it just me or is this logic upside down?
Be careful when someone uses the word tradition to force you away from the historical teachings of the apostolic church. We must hold fast to the rich, ancient tradition that is witnessed to in Holy Scripture... not new novelties and midevil speculations.
Wednesday, January 14, 2009
I am reminded of an event that occurred in a military chapel years ago.
The chaplain was having a prayer request time at the end of the service. During this prayer request time a woman raised her hand and complained that she was losing her faith and that she was worried about all her doubt. She was afraid of all the sin that she was committing and it had really upset her that she was falling away. She was afraid that she was becoming lost.
The chaplain replied, "We will pray for you, but the fact that losing faith bothers you is a good sign. If you did not have faith, you would not care about it at all. You are a sinner and that really bothers you. God be praised!" He then directed her to hold fast to the cross. He proceeded to give instruction from the pulpit that Christ did not come to be with the healthy, but treat the sick.
He was right. Would an unbeliever give a flip about not having faith? Would a hell-bound sinner care about eternal life and his position with God? Of course not! Because those feelings and convictions come from the Holy Spirit alone.
And where you find the Holy Spirit, you find Christ. And where you find Christ, there is forgiveness and salvation.
The Devil hates that. He must destroy it. This is why he attacks your confidence with lies and false arguements. He reminds you that you are weak and inadequate and suggests that that fact somehow matters to God. Of course you are weak and inadequate... that's why Christ died for you in the first place and continues to be your advocate! Does your inability to be holy matter in the slightest? No. Faith and salvation are unwarrented gifts.
One of the hardest (and perhaps the greatest) lesson that I have ever learned is how to properly view and react to chaos. Chaos takes many forms and is present in varying degrees all around us. There is, as we all know, financial chaos. There is also political chaos, meteorological chaos, and even the constant emotional chaos that we all face. There is the one that I fear most which is the chaos that comes with the habitual, unrelenting desire to sin. Simply put, chaos is unpredictability, randomness, and turmoil.
The human temptation is to oppose Chaos with her linguistic opposite: Order. Is something chaotic? Establish order. Put it back in its place. Exercise control and make the chaos behave. But is that always the right answer? Does it even work? No. The problem is that order may be the opposite of chaos, but rarely is control ever the solution to combat chaos effectively. Control has its own set of problems. Executed improperly (which is most of the time) it can cause as much damage if not more than the chaos it was intended to fix. Especially in the spiritual life that Christ calls us to, order for order's sake is as bad as the chaos that rages in our mortal flesh.
So what is the answer to the chaos that rages and haunts us? What ends the reign of this turmoil?
Peace. The true solution to chaos is peace. That is all any measure of order is trying to achieve in the first place, right? To turn the chaos into peace?
So when your life is filled with turmoil. When your soul is ravaged by the chaos of sin, the temptation is to establish control and clamp down on the chaos by force. Make it behave. The same thing is true with emotional chaos. We want to get control of our lives and our feelings. We want to make all of this mess behave. We think that is what God wants, but we are wrong. He does not want "good little Christians". He wants repentant sinners who cling to Christ by faith alone.
We seek order when all we need is peace. How about the chaos of our rebellion and sin? We want to force it to stop and behave as if it was something that we could actually achieve on our own. This is not the solution.
The answer is peace. There is peace which is found in Jesus Christ. As the tumult rages, the face of Christ bears the image of a merciful God who loves you. This is the same God who brought form to all creation, calmed the stormy Sea of Galalle, and will one day establish His perfect kingdom of holiness and peace that passes all human understanding. Amid the raging problems and transgressions of the day, the God of peace offers genuine comfort and renewal.
Know that the chaos here is temporary. It is the final death throw of a world that has been corrupted and mangled by Adam’s sin. It will pass away and God will put things right again. He will reestablish the peace that was His good and ordered creation.
Until that time, control can actually be your enemy. Of course we should resist sin, but when the battle against our sinful flesh becomes about controlling ourselves instead of repentance and faith, we have missed the boat completely and peace will never be found. There is no peace to be found in the quality and constancy of your works. They will fail and the chaos will return. You cannot win.
So the answer is not impose order, but to seek peace. We must let go of our control and our precious order. We must stop overanalyzing the past and the future and address the serious task at present. We must take our inadequacy that fails to deal with the chaos that afflicts us and place it at the foot of the cross where it belongs. When control is relinquished and a desperate appeal for peace is made, the tranquil pouring out of forgiveness flows from Our Lord’s tender mercy and cleanses all ills. We rest in the stillness of the knowledge that there lies for us a holy and eternal city that has no knowledge of chaos and sin. By the power of the Holy Spirit through faith in Jesus Christ, we are secured in the knowledge that God will calm all fears, remove all doubts, and heal all defects. These things will be put away and Prince of Peace shall reign eternal. We do not achieve victory over chaos with our control, but with the peace that comes from the crucified and risen Christ.
Order and discipline does not force this peace... it is a gift from the Holy Spirit. Once peace is secured, faith begins to grow and bloom. From this peace, true order can be established in the form of Christian discipline... an order born from faith and peace rather than desperation and chaos.
...It would be called "Oh, Say Can You See by the Dawn's Early Light", sung much faster, and we would find a way to modulate it into a minor key!
...and since it says "Dawn's Early Light" it would only be sung during Matins or Morning Prayer.
...it would be 4 versus long, but there would be 50 additional versus that would talk about each state in the union for use during that state's birthday.
...and we would figure out how to add a doxological verse at the end.
Monday, January 12, 2009
"I said, 'I'm starting a church for people who hate church.'"
-Pastor Rick Warren, Purpose Driven Guru
You heard it straight from the horse's mouth. If you are an enemy of Christ's church, adopt his purpose driven methods. If you hate the assembly of Christians (you hate church) and what they do, then his teachings are for you!
hehe... I couldn't resist!
Sunday, January 11, 2009
Here were the readings in chapel today (which I hope you all know is the Baptism of Our Lord Jesus Christ):
Old Testament: Genesis 1:1-5 (ESV)
The Creation of the World
1In the beginning, God created the heavens and the earth. 2The earth was without form and void, and darkness was over the face of the deep. And the Spirit of God was hovering over the face of the waters.
3And God said, "Let there be light," and there was light. 4And God saw that the light was good. And God separated the light from the darkness. 5God called the light Day, and the darkness he called Night. And there was evening and there was morning, the first day.
Epistle: Acts 19:1-7 (ESV)
Paul in Ephesus
1And it happened that while Apollos was at Corinth, Paul passed through the inland country and came to Ephesus. There he found some disciples. 2And he said to them, "Did you receive the Holy Spirit when you believed?" And they said, "No, we have not even heard that there is a Holy Spirit." 3And he said, "Into what then were you baptized?" They said, "Into John’s baptism." 4And Paul said, "John baptized with the baptism of repentance, telling the people to believe in the one who was to come after him, that is, Jesus." 5On hearing this, they were baptized in the name of the Lord Jesus. 6And when Paul had laid his hands on them, the Holy Spirit came on them, and they began speaking in tongues and prophesying. 7There were about twelve men in all.
Holy Gospel: Mark 1:4-11 (ESV)
4John appeared, baptizing in the wilderness and proclaiming a baptism of repentance for the forgiveness of sins. 5And all the country of Judea and all Jerusalem were going out to him and were being baptized by him in the river Jordan, confessing their sins. 6Now John was clothed with camel’s hair and wore a leather belt around his waist and ate locusts and wild honey. 7And he preached, saying, "After me comes he who is mightier than I, the strap of whose sandals I am not worthy to stoop down and untie. 8I have baptized you with water, but he will baptize you with the Holy Spirit."
The Baptism of Jesus
9In those days Jesus came from Nazareth of Galilee and was baptized by John in the Jordan. 10And when he came up out of the water, immediately he saw the heavens being torn open and the Spirit descending on him like a dove. 11And a voice came from heaven, "You are my beloved Son; with you I am well pleased."
WOW! Just looking at these texts… the sermon practically writes itself!
The OT Reading creates a perfect image of the old man before baptism: dark, formless and void. There we see the Holy Spirit hovering over the water. And what follows? God’s declaration of light! This is how it is with us God creates Light and Form from our formless darkness through baptism by His Word and the power of the Holy Spirit.
The Epistle highlights how this baptism is not our work, but God’s work. Here we see that a baptism that is centered in man’s work of repentance is nothing compared to the baptism that gives the Holy Spirit in the name of Jesus. This upsets the popular, erroneous belief that baptism is our work of obedience. No, it is the work of the Holy Spirit that creates the indwelling of faith...through baptism!
Then we come to this titan gospel text! Look, here we see Christ’s baptism. Just as He would in His Holy Supper at the end of His earthly life, Christ actually participates in the sacrament that He institutes for His church. Christ's ministry is literally book-ended by the two Sacraments: Baptism and Eucharist. Then we see the explicit depiction of the trinity: The perfect Son Jesus Christ standing in the waters of baptism, the Holy Spirit descending from heaven to the Son in the form of a dove, and the voice of the Father speaking His pleasure over His son. What truth and depth! What meat!
As if the readings were not direct enough, the name of the Sunday is “The Baptism of Our Lord”. Every song, collect, petition, and bulletin clip art points to this event. How could you miss this? It’s so plain that even this two-year Lutheran neophyte can see it.
But this is NOT the message that was preached in the Lutheran chapel service today! Baptism wasn’t even mentioned! I sat in the pew absolutely stupefied. It filled me with frustration and physical grief. My fellow Soldiers became concerned about my health because I could not hold back my visceral distaste for what was going on. How could a sermon today not talk about Baptism? How could the children's message be about taking care of the planet and not littering? How could a Lutheran chaplain get this one so wrong?!?
If you received a proper sermon from your pastor on this Sunday of Sundays, call or email him and thank him for his dedication to you. You are truly blessed.
Saturday, January 10, 2009
I have my orders and my duty assignment. Technology will permit this blog to come back on in full force by mid February. I have posting during my suspension because I could... and I will continue as long as I am able.
[Google Analytics said that I have only dropped 10% in daily readership anyway. That would be 9 instead of 10 people. hehe.]
See you in February! God Bless!
Tuesday, January 6, 2009
Luther on Vocation
by Bustaf Wingren, translated by Carl C. Rasmussen
Wipf and Stock Publishers
I have purchased this book and have found it to be a very useful work on the topic of vocation. It contains a very clear and exhaustive summary of Dr. Luther's thoughts and teachings on the subject. (Pr. Hall will be pleased at all the footnotes.) Laymen who are interested in this topic should check this one out. It is one of the better summaries on vocation that I have found.
Here is an excerpt from the book:
“Even while man contends on earth with a specific outer sin which is hard for him to master, that sin is forgiven in heaven, before God. The battle lies outside of the conscience and leaves faith undisturbed, since it rests secure in God’s promise. Sin is resisted in such a way that man is not cast into despair; the outcome is certain, through God’s word about the eternal life after death. If a man cannot believe that the sin with which he struggles is forgiven, the law has risen up in the conscience (that is, in heaven) and faith gives way to works before God. Then eternal life does not depend on God’s promise but on man’s progress in the battle against his sin. That is desperation.”
“This desperation increases the earnestness of the battle against sin, and prepares man to see the great miracle in the gospel when at length it comes back and makes the conscience free and calm. God wills the agony of the Christian which enters into the crucifixion of the old man, for crucifixion is fellowship with Christ, and Christ endured the agony of despair on the cross. In his earlier writings Luther exhorts us to seek the cross and hardships. In his Treatise on Good Works, in 1520, Luther still divides the death of the old man into two parts: that which we bring upon ourselves and that which we are subject by reason of the connection our lives have with the lives of others. This is a remnant of Luther’s pre-Reformation thought. We miss the attack on a self-chosen and self-imposed cross found in his later and more detailed expositions of the Christian’s cross. The fanatics excelled at putting on a furrowed countenance. With Luther’s perception of this new monastic spirit in evangelical circles came the end of his commendation of self-chosen crosses. The cross is not to be chosen by us; it is laid upon us by God, i.e. the cross comes to us uninvoked in our vocation.” -Luther on Vocation, Pages 52-53
You can purchase this book here.
Excerpt and cover image used by permission of Wipf and Stock Publishers.
Wipf and Stock Publishers
199 West 8th Avenue, Suite 3
Eugene, Oregon 97401
Luther on Vocation By Wingren, Gustaf
Copyright (c) 1957 by Wingren, Gustaf
Publication Date: 2/19/2004
Previously published by Muhlenburg Press, 1957
Friday, January 2, 2009
Enjoy this song... "I Think My Wife's a Calvinist". I ran across it because this was the song that came after listening to "All Things Are Better in Kione" over at incarnatus est. Both are VERY funny.
I don't want to ruin it for you... but the hook about the unconditional election in his romantic relationship is priceless!
I almost peed myself!
My wife has taken to Lutheranism like a fish to water. Here is an excerpt from a recent instant message conversation.
Me: "You know who else is horrible at translating the Bible and explaining it in context?"
Me: "(Besides Joel Osteen)"
Wife: "Joyce Meyers"
Me: "lol... besides her."
Me: "I'm talking about someone who is not considered a kook by most people."
Me: "good grief... you're like a heretic blotter."
Wife: "The Pope?"
The Pope! hehe... Luther would be proud.